What Is It?

Have you ever felt like you just really want to do something, only you really don’t know what it is you that you really want to do?

Hopefully, I’ve got it right this time! And I’m waiting for a hobby desk to arrive today so I can make a start. I joined a Pottery class last year and it turns out that I’m pretty good at it, creatively I mean and over time I’ve learned that I really do enjoy painting the pieces that have been made either by myself or some of the other participants. So, I went ahead and bought all the things that we have at the pottery class so I can do it at home. Clay, tools, paints, and brushes and I’m now waiting for the desk to come so that I can make a start.

I just hope that I do. Because over the years I have bought countless items and software programmes that at that time I was looking to get into and master, only I hardly use them, if ever. Things like books to read, drawing pads to draw on with the pens and pencils to do it, models to build and paint, jigsaws to make, a hot glue gun, a soldering iron with wood-burning heads and accessories, and industrial stapler with staples, binoculars to watch birds, note pads, writing books & writing materials, all of the Adobe applications (I have managed to gain a Certificate in Photoshop), Corel Painter 2022, Sketchbook, Mischief, CLIP STUDIO PAINT, I even bought a Wacom Drawing Tablet. Guess what? I hardly use any of these!

WHY? I ask.

I actually think in the back of my head that I’m ‘savouring a moment’ when I do something with these things. How crazy is that and when will this time come?

Right now, I’m waiting for this new desk to arrive so that I can set it up with some of the stuff that I have with the thought of getting on with things. However, given my history of acquiring things that I’m interested in only to be left on the shelf, I’m really hoping that I don’t set this table up, just to be left alone.

I don’t know why I do this and I’m kind of hoping that some of you Psychologists and the like who read my articles can help by shedding some light on my dilemma?

This time around though I have the Pottery class to be my accountability partner so I’m hoping I can break this trend of mine. Maybe everything has just been building to this point?

I do think that having an accountability partner in this will help and it already has in as far as ideas for the future, and my accountability partners from the group won’t let me slide into procrastination with things, hopefully.

So, a new chapter of my life is going to take root today when I get my desk, and having acquired a lot of the tools I’ll need could only have helped and I’ve just noticed how I’ve just kind of answered my own question.

Anyway, I’ve really enjoyed writing this and would love to hear some of your comments on why you think I’ve been doing this where I’ve accumulated so much in the past and left it as it was almost like I liked to leave it in its new and clean and pristine condition.

Or, maybe I just haven’t found my niche yet? Regardless of that – WTF am I waiting for apart from a table!!

Update 17th Jan: It means that I’m akratic and here’s a description…and BTW, I think this comes from spending so many years as a lost soul and thankfully now I’m starting to find myself.