I’ve never been so organised, productive & busy yet still have the feeling that I’m failing
Things have been building for at least the past 10 years and more and for all of that time I’ve been saying that “I’m getting there, slowly but surely, I’m getting there!”
Well, I have been I am and I have. I’m failing because I find it very hard to stay in a constant ‘loop’ of ‘doing’ where even the slightest change will upset the balance where I lose my ‘flow’.
The video that you can see above, I made a week and a half ago with this post in mind and added it on 3rd Feb and it’s now the 8th Feb (work that one out), it’s taken that long to be able to do everything that’s been needed to get it there and I’ve learned a lot.
It’s taken longer than a week and a half because that isn’t the only project that I have on the go, in fact, I multi-task on a daily basis flitting between what is now (after MANY edits), a full calendar.
Between keeping up with a weight loss and nutrition course, chair pilates, working with the People Project website, learning arts & crafts by way of pottery and trying to start learning acrylic paint pouring, learning Photoshop at BYOL, attending a Pottery class, and soon to be running one, writing a Memoir and publishing on Medium, burning out because I focus too much and half- doing umpteen other things that need doing that I don’t get around to doing, I don’t have much time to cook a decent meal let alone see my family and friends. I do make time though. And through all of this, I’m living and dealing with BPD, depression, and anxiety. I’m doing very well! & I’ve quit smoking which makes it all seem that much more worthwhile.
In fact, with all that I’m managing right now, I can’t help at times but end up getting a tad manic and hyper and this shows through in my meetings with friends at our pottery class where I can be very talkative and opinionated whereas usually, I’m quite quiet and non-judgemental. At the end of each class, I always feel like I’m going to fall asleep, I get that relaxed through concentrating either on making something or painting something. Time well spent is very therapeutic!
This year so far has been a new learning curve for me and for all of the previous years where I was laying my roots through building a foundation to work from using just about everything digital, I’m now trying to get more time away from the computer and that’s happily moving along. For that time when I am at my PC, I now use the Freedom app to help me stay focused on what’s important. On days like today when I just couldn’t concentrate and ended up doing everything but what I was supposed to be doing, then that app became more of a hindrance than a help but at the same time, it’s more of a help than a hindrance (if only I could get used to it) where I have to step away from the PC. It’s another addiction, I’m addicted to the internet and my computer.
Hey! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that and it’s an issue that I’m working hard on improving. And it’s happening 💪🥳
A lot of times I picture in my mind a guy that I used to be employed with, he was a maritime engineer and he would always be very quiet and very focused on his job, but back then (over 11 years ago), I always thought he was being ignorant to me. But now when I look at what I’m doing where I have so many different projects underway and I spend my time floating around in a state of flow switching between one thing to another with 20 odd different browser windows open messaging support through tickets and emails, working out what I need to do to get a result on something while constantly having to get up for a pee, have some answer come into my mind then rush back to execute it but pause for thought at just where I was when I left? Then get try hard to get back into a flow again, I can relate to Julian the engineer. I’ve become tuned to distractions now and how they can very easily interrupt the flow if I let them. Did you know that it takes around 25 minutes to get back into what you were doing once your concentration has been broken? This explains why I’m very rarely sat with music playing on the radio throughout the day, I do sometimes listen to Brain.fm if I remember too that is, it’s very good for background noise!
- Try not to do too much and try not to do too much all at the same time!
- Learning is very good for you and just is, well great!
- Remaining ‘in the flow’ of things can come relatively easy but can also relatively easily leave you!
- Find some good background noise!
I’m just luvin’ all this Positivity right now- long may it last!