The past month and a bit for me has been a complete roller coaster ride. First, I got down and depressed (a bipolar mood swing), then a good friend died, and that left me clinging to anything to stop me feeling like I was. Throughout this time, I was becoming aware of how I had no prospects, how life was just pointless and it was obvious to me how unhealthy I had become physically. Knowing that still meant that I would talk myself out of going to the gym, knowing that I had to go! Crazy!!!
Anyway, on Sunday 8th September, I had made an agreement with myself that I would join the others from Aspire who were going to the gym the next day. At 10 am I got to Aspire, we left for the gym at 11 and went by mini-bus. We spent just over an hour riding bikes, treading treadmills, pulling and pushing bars that lifted weights and rowing. We worked together as a team and to my astonishment, the time flew by really quickly. I had a sweat on, the type I’d long since forgotten and I felt so invigorated as we walked away from that I know for sure I’ll be going next week. We are starting a regular Monday morning gym meet and are hoping to progress on to include Wednesdays and Fridays. A friend of mine told me that I should grab the opportunity by the bollox and own it. Which I’ve done – and you should too – it’s so invigorating!
Things changed to a Wednesday and I went for 2 weeks, twice a week. I just couldn’t get the third session down. My knee swelled up and I stopped going altogether and then Coronavirus closed the gym, which gave me the perfect reason not to go anyway and in doing that my knee has worsened. Go and have my knee swell up or stay at home and have my knee get worse was my dilemma. It’s all my own fault as I should have never stopped running to keep fit when I did!!
When I wrote this post in October of last year, the 2 previous had been a heavy few months for me, for one reason and another. Throughout August I had been in a hole. A trench in the upslope of life, and I couldn’t get out. Depression had hit again and I was once again forced to give in to it, bury my head and wait it out. For all of you who have experienced depression, you’ll understand that if you don’t slow right down then you’ll go over the edge and become stressed. With bipolar, that means mania, so from experience and time I’ve learned to just wait it out and at the start of October, it started to lift and I was starting to be able to think clearly again.
Depression is a process that takes time and you can’t just snap out of it as some people say and I’m learning even still. Looking at it from an outside point of view I would think that I’d have it under control by now but it really doesn’t work like that. I’m trying to get it to work like that and I’m making progress but it’s not clockwork.
So, as for the ‘lighter note’ in the post title? Yeah, shit happens, and it passes.
