Take the slow route
Slow + Steady + long
Long to be certain you get it right
Take your time
Make it last the time
Join in
Socialize
Socialize and join in
Don’t stay on the outer edge looking in – move in from your corner and unite
One of my earlier posts this one spoke about doing a brain dump upon waking up where you can get your subconscious dreams/thoughts/results out of your head, and this morning at 3.30 a.m. that is exactly what I was doing, leaving the notes you can see above while forcing myself to stay awake and really try hard to concentrate on what it was that I was dreaming about and the thoughts that came to my mind.
It’s obvious to me that these notes are telling me about myself and that I shouldn’t rush, mainly because I can’t, (as I get panic attacks.)
The Brain Dump post was updated in May 2020 where I was saying how much a brain dump was needed.
I’ve had countless brain dumps and have taken countless notes which, now I think about it, I realize that I should really go through and summarize what I’ve noted as they are bound to be saying something.
Just like ‘pre-itches’, only they haven’t been scratched yet.
My ‘itch’ is myself if you hadn’t have guessed. Scratching it will mean that I’m working on my self-improvement along with all that comes with that, which now I know is working on my body to become physically fit.
With Lockdown etc. there are a lot of places like gyms and swimming pools that haven’t opened up again but I’ve been told that Vivacity is opening again so I’ll try and find out what’s going on. In the meantime, I’ll try and start (and stick to) a morning routine that involves some walking with some exercise involved.
It makes me still chuckle that my old school reports always used to have the comments written by my teachers – “Robert must try harder!”
What makes me chuckle is that it’s 40 odd years later and now I’m hearing you 🙂 What a life!
What a life indeed! Things did feel like they were coming together only I was trying to hide one big thing from myself. And that is the fact that I really do need these medications that I’m taking. After the reduction of my dose of anti-depressant since August 1st, it took a whole month for me to realise that I was not in a good place. So much so that over the weekend I’ve reverted back to a normal dose and felt better already.
Bipolar is a wretched thing! I’ve felt like I’ve been making so much fucking sense and at the same time I’ve been torturing myself because I’ve been thinking that I’m 100% better and reduced a medication that I now know I need and can’t do without. It’s a deadly combination and I’m sure that if I wasn’t as insightful and so in tune with myself I’d still be getting in a bigger mess.
So the fact that ‘It’s all coming together’ isn’t exactly true in the sense of everything has been planned and built. No, it turns out that everything is coming together in as much as throughout the month of August I’ve been suffering badly in the way of self-denial. I’ve told myself that I’m doing really great and can do it all on my own when in fact I’ve been getting lower and lower in myself, more mixed up and a lot more unstable.
Robert must try harder! Yes, Rob. But make sure that you’re trying harder in the right way first!
Take the slow route
Slow + Steady + long
Long to be certain you get it right
Take your time
Make it last the time
Join in
Socialize
Socialize and join in
Don’t stay on the outer edge looking in – move in from your corner and unite
what I see in these notes now is to carefully take my time and unite with the help that I already have. After all, even with how I think about things, I now know I talk shit to myself and think I know best when I know I know that I’m wrong, it’s just seeing it when it happens and hopefully catching it early on that’s the biggest problem. Staying on the outer edge looking in could well be me looking in at things from a distance and that could be the self-awareness and insight. Hm, any therapists out there that can throw some light on this? Move-in and unite – grab hold of myself and wake up?
