Looking back over the years there has been a few of us! Mental illness is, and was, hard work. Well it’s not quite so anymore, thankfully! Although I still have remnants of previous ego’s inside.
Cuthbert was my arch enemy. He’d speak up when he wasn’t wanted or needed and was relentless with his negativity. So much so I bought a book called The Chimp Paradox in order to try and understand what it was that was going on. Which I did, and so was able to get him under control. Chimps can be so outrageous, obnoxious and loud! I can still remember laying in bed one day trying to fall asleep while telling him to shut the fuck up. After reading the book I changed to telling him softly to be quiet and go to sleep. And it worked!
Why did I call him Cuthbert I hear you wonder. Well my mum & dad told me once that they wanted to call me Cuthbert St. John…words just fail me as to why anyone would want to call anyone Cuthbert St. John. But it stuck with me all the same…little was I to know that it would be a mind game, and one which would very almost cost me dear in my own sanity, which, by the way is very much intact I’m both pleased and proud to say.
See – I coulda been a solicitor! Hahaha and with that I woulda had me own Company!!
I kinda like my company these days. It’s quiet and peaceful and not so erratic, with moments of great clarity and forward thinking. Thinking of how being able to start over would be such a nice thing. It’s a nice thought isn’t it, being able to start over again I mean. And at that, starting over as the person you are now as opposed to who you were way back then.
Ah! isn’t hindsight wonderful? It’s both wonderful and, always, always too bloody late.
A few years ago I was in hospital after being admitted for an emergency Laparotomy operation. 3 and a half weeks I spent in critical care and then another month or so in an isolated ward. I can remember thinking that I wouldn’t make it passed the first day when taken to the ward. What a shock it was to be awake and aware of all these tubes and drips and pain while being starved for 8 days and being drip fed. 4 stone I lost while in hospital and the first meal I had after all that time was, believe it or not – delicious. We all know what hospital food is like right? Hmm…not that good. Well this cottage pie I had was just yummy! It was the slowest I think I’ve ever eaten a meal too, slow but VERY good. Hindsight after all that? I wish I had never left my job. One as a supervisor for a cleaning company. Yeah in hindsight the boredom there would have been worth keeping over that trip to the hospital.
It’s a Friday evening and we’ve had stormy weather for the past 2 weeks or so. I feel for those living elsewhere as the floods have been horrific and they are getting worse. Now we find out that yet another storm is on the way this weekend. Storm Jorge which is coming from Espania no less. Spain which is normally a very hot country is now kicking out storms, what is going on with the weather? After all the fires in Australia which burned for weeks, they now have snow of all things. I hope that you are alright and safe where ever you are in the world. If it’s not war and terrorism it’s the weather, and if it’s not the weather it’s climate change. And if it’s not climate change it’s now a virus that’s spreading all over. Do you think that our time is almost up?
Answers on a postcard, please.