When do you quit?
When you cant catch your breath and your gulping for air and your mind is telling you “just give it a few minutes and you’ll be able to breath better, that’s when you can take another pull on me.”
It’s controlling you that much that you defy your own rational reasoning, the knowledge that you really should stop.
Not only stop but quit!
Then all of a sudden your breathing calms down because you’ve stopped moving.
Stopped moving because you’re so out of breath.
You’re breathing calms down along with your heart rate and you feel relieved. A bit stronger, and happy enough that you’re still ok!
You know, you only really know that your lungs are so properly f*cked when you do something physical like stand up or rush to the toilet then walk back to the kitchen when you find the need to stop and hold onto something tightly and gasp quietly for air.
Quietly so that no one notices you killing yourself at that moment.
You know it, but you’re f*cked if you’ll let anybody else see it.
Quietly trying to hide the fact that although you are out of breath and you need to either sit down or hold onto something to gain your breath back, that you then pick up that burning stick of cancer and pull on it again.
You don’t/can’t pull on it so hard coz you know you can’t take in the smoke so deep because of your cough.
That cough where you can’t breathe in or out as you cough, you just try and stop yourself from choking. Someone might think that you’re laughing with you’re shoulders going up and down as you try and stop yourself from coughing, which in turn means that you don’t get any air into your lungs and your head starts to go dizzy.
As ridiculous as it sounds that someone might think you are laughing, what’s even more ridiculous is that when your brain goes dizzy it means that you are actually asphyxiating as this causes drug-like sensations in the brain.
Asphyxiation caused by the lack of oxygen to the brain, which feels nice. Try and work that one out? It’s true!